12/26/10

‎"If you're not able to love freely, it's not really love."

I was reading He's not that into you and this was one of the quotes that I really liked. It was from the section about dating married men. I think it was the most appropriate comment in relation to that and to many other things. If someone can't give you every ounce of their love then they don't really love you. Real love is all or nothing

11/1/10

I haven't written a poem in almost two months.

My boy's mother pisses me off!

School is frustrating, I'm just ready to be done. Especially choir. More than half of chamber is ready to drop.

Life is frustrating...

Work is frustrating. They keep making dumb changes that I don't approve of...

Halloween was major fun!!

I want him SOOO badly. I don't get near enough time with him

And that's how it goes

10/17/10

Haha this long weekend off school was pretty epic. Too bad I couldn't spend at least a little bit of it with my boy... I miss him lots and lot and lots.
Anyways, Wednesday night we slept over at my big brothers house. It was really fun. We spent the whole time watching scary movies. I was the only one that stayed awake for every movie. And I couldn't even see what was going on... : P Whenever someone would wake up I would ask them questions until they fell back asleep. Even though I couldn't see I understood the basic plot line. After everyone woke up we went downstairs and had breakfast. We ate deliciously amazing pancakes and had peach smoothy. My big brother is a very good cook. Later we went to Ara's house to see if my car was fixed yet. It is still not fixed. It's been three weeks...... :(
After work they wanted me to come over and have another sleep over at big brother's. I went right to sleep because I was dead tired.
Friday I played with Ara most of the day. Especially Friday night. Dude with a bible name and kid that plays guitar came over and we had epicness time. We went to Denny's and it was super fun. We started singing at our booth after we ate because we were bored and the people that sat in the booth behind us started singing too. It was awesome!!!
I still miss my boy and probably won't get to see him till Monday... Oh well I guess it will make it all the more exciting when I see him next. I finally shaved my legs today because my ouchy is gone. I want to see him tonight so they're still soft but they'll be soft tomorrow too

9/30/10

Life is getting very complex. It's full to the brim right now and I'm kinda manic trying to deal with this. Haha oh well. It'll work

8/17/10

"Despite everything we've done together, one of my fondest memories of you is the other night when you fell asleep in my arms"


Golly gee I do love that boy. He makes me happy. I want things to be simple, they are getting too intense for my liking. I don't wanna end it... And I'm thinking that once school starts things will cool off a little bit. It would break my heart if we ended things but it might break my heart if things stay the way they are.

8/14/10

Chamber retreat: AMAZING
The end :)

8/3/10

"A mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn from it"


Yes, we made a mistake. Oh well, what happened happened and the only way to fix it is to not do it again.

We talked about marriage last night. He asked me if I'd be willing to wait for him while he's on his mission. I told him I would be willing but explained why I won't promise. It would break my heart if I had to "Dear John" anyone. He made me promise that even if I have a boyfriend or something I won't get married until I've given him a chance after he gets back. Now that I can promise. I just hope it lasts that long. I think he's the only guy that has ever genuinely cared about me this much. :)

7/29/10

For once I don't think I'm ready for school to start. I've been spending most of my days with either my bestie or my boy.

 Last night I slept over at my bestie's house. Her, Amber, and I had a girls night. It was so fun! We did facials and painted our nails. We talked for hours about all our frustrations, fears, and our love lives. It was very nice. I  have dubbed her as my new bestfriend, she totally and completely deserves the  title. 

On Monday night I had another sleep over. That was amazing too... :) I had a sleep over with my boy. It was so much fun and it was so romantic. Don't worry, nothing scandalous happened. Well at least not sexually scandalous because a girl and boy having a sleep over is scandalous by most definitions. Despite what may or may not happen. I love that boy :D

7/9/10

I was completely prepared to let you go. But I guess not. Oh well.

7/5/10

"America's greatest strength, and it's greatest weakness, is our belief in second chances, a belief that we can always start over, that things can be made better." Anthony Walton

A tribute to my country. This country is a chosen land. This land was set apart by God to bring about the last dispensation. But this country is also the first free country. A country that was formed by political extremists against all odds. This country is unique. And I'm proud to live in a place that is as unique as myself :D

6/27/10

We've been together 18 days. Haha, my second longest relationship. I know it's too soon to say, but I think I love him. I don't wanna say it until I know for sure... But  I really think I do. He's so perfect for me. He's super crazy like me, he's amazingly respectful, he's gentlemanly and he's sweet. We're just different enough to keep it interesting but we have enough in common that we fit together so well. Oh enough with my twitterpatted, infatuated, lovey dovey ness. This summer has improved significantly :)

6/8/10

So there's this boy.... :)  I'm starting to like him so much! He's so legit! He hasn't even tried to hold my hand yet or anything. Finally a guy who's interested in more than physical stuff. We've been texting almost non-stop for about a week and a half now. I visit him as often as I can. It does not help that he's grounded though... :P Haha oh well. He'll get ungrounded soon enough. I'm pretty sure he's figured out I like him a lot. This is fun :)

6/7/10

"I'd rather get stabbed in the front and watch myself bleed than get stabbed in the back and not know I'm dying"

Is it weird to quote myself on my blog? Well it's kinda something I came up with based on a conversation with the Countertenor. So it's half his half mine. It's basically means if you're going to do something that might hurt someone be straight up with them. In the end it hurts a lot more getting stabbed in the back, it creates a lot more bitterness and anger than being straight forward.
And this could also relate to gossip. That could be the "not know I'm dying" part. Because with gossip you don't know how far it has spread and how much damage it's done.

6/4/10

So I figured out why they act like that around me. It's some sort of contest for someones attention. For some reason they can get along when I'm not around but as soon as I'm in the picture they hate each other. Ugh.... I wonder if they realize how much freaking stress they cause me. It makes me want to not be around them both at the same time. I can handle them separately but certainly not together.

6/2/10

It's summer and I am planning on being a loner for most of it. Ara is one of the only ones on my list of friends that I'm going to chose to associate with. :)

5/28/10

What a great way to start the summer.... Depressed and angry. Wohoo! Not...

5/10/10

I love being nice. I love being helpful. I love being respectful. But I'm sick of everyone else's BfrikinS!!! I'm sick of getting used! I'm sick of being played! I just wish I could find a way to be me without getting taken advantage of! My good nature is going to end up screwing me over. Grrrrawr!! Oh and I'm especially sick of tiptoeing around everyone. If they're offended they can grow the frick up!

5/1/10

Wow! Had an awesome date last night! I was kinda distracted the whole time though because right before my mom called me and told me some major news. Change seems to happen most often when I don't want it. Hmmmm..... Oh well

4/23/10

Wow is there a lot going on lately or what. So many things with family, school, boys and just life in general. There's a lot to think about. And I certainly have been thinking. Thinking so much I think my brain may explode. I certainly am reaching the age to where I need to take a lot more responsibility.

4/16/10

Hmmm... I think all I need to say is, life is good :)

3/25/10

God,who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through with it, not without pain but without stain

My Redeemer can remove all stain form me. I am human and therefore have plenty of stain. Through the power of my Father and my Brother, I can be cleaned and purified. I must make the effort to come to Them.

3/17/10

Today I got bored in ASL so I started doodling and I drew a number line with both arrows shaded in and no numbers. Instead I wrote the word love really big in the middle. My thought process to go along with this was, love goes on forever. Through good (what the positive direction of the number line represents) and bad (what the negative direction of the number line represents). From infinity to infinity, without end.

3/14/10

"I can forgive but I cannot forget is another way of saying I cannot forgive"

The way to true forgiveness is forgetting any feelings of ill will toward the person that has sinned against you. It doesn't hurt the other person in the least when you harbor feelings of hatred toward them. It only hurts yourself. If God, when he forgives us, forgets all our sins then how can we not forget what others have done to us when we forgive them? That is complete hypocrisy.
Memory has been given to us to learn from. Not to exact revenge nor to use in any other ill fitting manner. We must only use our memory to learn. Otherwise we impair ourselves and our judgment. As well as our own personal growth.

3/7/10

"To 'try' is weak. To 'do the best I can' is not strong. We must always do better than we can"

Through our own power we can not achieve "better than we can". We must have the strength and help of others and especially our God. We do not simply have this help but must ask and strive for it. Must strive to be worthy of this support.

3/5/10

"There is a little truth behind every just kidding. A little curiosity behind every just wondering. A little knowledge behind every I don't know. And a little emotion behind every I don't care."

I love this quote. It is completely true. There's always a thought and an emotion behind an action otherwise it wouldn't happen. So even though you try to negate the emotion or thought by words such as "I'm just kidding", "I'm just wondering", "I don't know", or "I don't care" those basic elements of humanity are still there. Those building blocks to what makes us human are still there. Some things can be hidden from some people some of the time but there's always a way to see inconsistencies in people and I think this quote describes that well.

3/3/10

For whom enough is too little - nothing is ever enough.

If enough is too little that means you are constantly striving for more, right? So that means those people are always striving to be better than their best. There is no possible way of being good enough because that would still imply an enough statement and therefore that you still have to get better. I want to be one of those people. Because I know I have to potential far beyond my own imagination.

2/23/10

So I kinda deleted all my blog posts in case you didn't notice. I got sick of them. So this'll be a fresh start.